Ok so I’m officially a fashion graduate.
Ok I lied here. I’ll be officially graduating on the 18th of July but does that even matter? Graduating is a scary concept for me. After 3 years of doing nothing (aka universit), I found comfort in being just a student. That was my main thing and when people asked me what I do for a living, I could just say I’m studying. Now when someone asks me this question, I have absolutely no idea what to say.
It’s not like I sit around on my ass all day doing nothing. On contrary I never have time off. I’m just always fucking busy and I’m not even in full time education or working a full time job. I don’t even get paid for 99% of things I do in that time (welcome to the fashion industry), so I can’t even call what I do a job. I found that the simplest thing I can say is that I’m a stylist, which isn’t really accurate, but probably the closest to the truth.
Recently everyone has been asking me whether I’m looking for a job. I’d like to say yes but as guilty as I feel about this, I enjoy the idea of being unemployed or freelancing (which is basically the same thing). Four years of interning have left me traumatized. Out of all the internships I’ve done, two were really inspiring while the rest were just bad. I’ve been treated like shit, been a “victim” of numerous office gossips and the weirdest one – I worked for someone who just didn’t like white girls. So whenever someone says “job” or “work”, my whole body just cringes (I probably need therapy but who can afford that).
The worst thing is that I don’t even know what I would like to do. It’s just seems to hard to settle for one thing. I enjoy jumping from one project to another, not being tied to anyone or waking up each day at 6:30am. The only thing I know, is that I would really want to be my own boss and that’s it. I’m not a social person, so working from home is a dream come true.
It’s funny to think that when I was 16 I could tell you exactly what I wanted to do and who I wanted to work for. As sad as this is, I feel the industry and living in London ruined this for me. Fashion is so competitive and actually sad, that it will crush half of your dreams within seconds. I think two weeks ago I saw a listing for a “studio/fashion assistant” position at one of the quite known online shops. As an assistant you were required to have at least two years’ experience at a higher managerial position and you can imagine that the other requirements were just as ridiculous. What shook me more was the rather sad salary you would receive for this full time job.
So please don’t even ask me about my future as my answer will be “I don’t know” for at least a couple months. Let me enjoy doing “nothing” and being unemployed as long as I can afford it. I felt so guilty about it for ages, but that’s just absolute bullshit. We all make our own life decisions and in our own time. And that’s always better then settling for something average which will suck you in for the next 50 years.
Photos by Kuba Politylo-Aluwihare