Whilst writing my dissertation draft I often found myself encountering thoughts about what I do online, whether I’m authentic and if what I say or write is legitimate in any way.
My dissertation is in some way very personal as I chose to write about bloggers, but with a focus on celebrity bloggers, since (and here’s something very honest) most of them just piss me off with the shitty content they post. Ps. I would like to congratulate myself on the very diplomatic and sophisticated choice of words in this sentence.
Anyways I don’t want to assume all bloggers have the same financial/fame related motives, but being honest, aren’t these often the most exciting reasons of being a public figure? I wouldn’t know since I can barely pay my rent and my post man still has trouble remembering my name.
I’d like to officially state that my dissertation is not driven by jealousy. I’m simply a very critical human being, that likes criticizing everything. Simple.
Getting to the fun part – for the purpose of my paper I conducted a couple of interviews with people who would appear to have some authority within the fashion industry and while analysing the answers I began thinking if somehow I don’t belong to the group of people that I’m discussing in my text.
Probably the most interesting part that I have found in my interviews is the fact many believe, that fashion bloggers should be educated.
And educated doesn’t mean that they are expected to have a university degree, but educated in terms of knowing all the fashion houses, fashion history and cultural background. And as much as this seems fun, being completely honest I have no interest whatsoever in fashion houses and the typical interests of a “fashionista”.
I realised that I lost most of my interest for fashion shows, streetstyle stalking, crappy fashion exhibitions etc. That might be a very unpopular opinion but honestly it’s just becoming more and more boring. Within a couple of months, I unfollowed all designer accounts on Instagram. I couldn’t stand looking at red carpet photos, weirdly arranged photo frames, lack of creativity, and this whole fascination with celebrities (who I don’t even recognize).
What’s funny is that at the moment the only fashion account I follow for news and of course drama is Diet Prada. I don’t always agree with his/her opinions; they are often exaggerated but at least they are worthy of my time. They make me think, question things and from time to time I will learn something valuable about the industry.
Getting back to blogging and authenticity, I realised I don’t want to be labelled as a blogger. I want to blog but I feel this label is very negative and shallow as it now defines a specific kind of person. It might be true that even two years ago my ultimate goal was to be on magazine covers, get amazing collaborations and be able to earn a living through my online content. However, at this point I have no push whatsoever to go in this direction.
My perspective might be very unpopular, but I would not want to be on a magazine cover because of my blog, or be featured in campaigns, basically I don’t want to be seen as a celebrity, but as a normal person.
Because I didn’t achieve anything that gives me the legitimacy to be on covers or be talked about. I just do what I love, like many others on this planet. If I ever want to be featured in a magazine, it’s because of something different and special that I did (not to the extent of world peace but I think you get the point).
I often get comments about the fact that more people should know about me, but honestly who needs this?
Because I don’t care about the quantity, I care about the quality of my readers. I’d rather have a couple of followers, which actually engage with my content, get involved in conversations with me, rather than a crazy amount that don’t give a damn about my existence. In short, I don’t care about the attention, I care about being able to share my interests.
Most people have a new year’s resolution of saying yes to everything.
But after finishing the draft of my dissertation I decided to start saying “no” more often. I don’t mean saying “no” to new experiences and enjoying life, but saying “no” to all these emails I get that would push me a step closer to becoming the bloggers that I discuss and often despise in my paper. Of course brand collaborations are exciting, but with each single one, you need to slightly compromise. And as a person who’s still in the exploration process of who I am and who I want to become, losing on authenticity is not the thing I want to be doing right now. I’m not saying all brand collaborations are bad because, hey, the shoes you’re seeing here are actually gifted. But I didn’t feel pressured to show them to you, it’s all on my own terms and actually if I wouldn’t get them for free, I would probably buy them.
You might be asking yourself why am I telling you all this?
Well probably because a lot of you have been asking about the topic of my dissertation (and what I wrote above touches upon a lot of the themes from my paper) and secondly because not many people understand the idea of not wanting the publicity and all that glamourous life. To me that’s extremely surprising but I feel Instagram is just washing our brains into thinking that there’s only one direction we can take. Even my mom who I know wants the best for me, doesn’t understand why wouldn’t I want to take part in campaigns. The idea of “selling out” is a bit foreign to her, and she treats what I do as fun and probably not too serious. But if I want a career not related to blogging, and be treated with respect I just can’t take on everything because it’s fun, it’s publicity, it’s money.
The lovely human beings at Public Desire also gave me a -15% code for y’all. Valid until 30th of June 2018, so no pressure haha.
photos by Jenny Lafer