Me & Charlie
I often complain about how my personality lacks responsibility or basically the “adult” bit every adult should have. Sometimes I wonder why, and then I remember that actually I’m still a teenager (for a couple more months but still, yay me), but the society forced me into acting like an adult. Let’s be honest, does being nineteen differ much from being seventeen in terms of what’s in your head? Nope. You’re still a kid!
I don’t think there was ever a moment where I wanted to grow up or be an actual adult. I think I knew the dark side of adulthood before even being an adolescent (Maybe I was a child prodigy, maybe not? Who knows?), which people still find weird and unusual.
Most of you know my story, I had to move alone to London for university when I was still seventeen, simply because my mom decided to push me out of her womb in October. It was a huge shock, I had to deal with loneliness, depression, excitement, freedom and paying bills at the same time. And despite the fact my parents always thought of me as already very mature, my move made me super mature. Partially it’s a good thing, but then I always feel I missed out a lot of my teenage years by actually being mature and sensible (ok, maybe not always).
Our society pressures all of us to grow up soo fast! WHY? I don’t have a friggin clue! I mean, yes, I have lived on this planet for almost twenty years (shit. I’m old), but how does this count if I managed to only live not even two by myself?
I find myself being more than often anxious about growing up. I’m not saying being an actual adult is bad but I just can’t fit my personality into that kind of lifestyle. Maybe after this you’ll understand why I find the idea of kids repulsive, I simply enjoy the freedom of being young and carefree. Everyone says that I’ll change my mind, but what if this is just how my personality is and will be?
As much as I don’t talk about depression publicly, I personally feel that anxiety has been the biggest cause of it for me. Maybe I think too far ahead, but getting older doesn’t only mean getting serious about shit, it means loosing people you love and all that nasty stuff. And unfortunately my parents braced me with my realistic approach (and reality isn’t all rainbows and butterflies).
Responsibility is key when it comes to owning pets. I should know right? I have like zillion pets back at home (actually three but I like exaggerating).
I’m the main reason why these pets have a home, I initiated the interest each single time obviously. Because I lived with my parents, I never acknowledged the need to be fully responsible for a pet. However, I never thought if I’ll take them with me when I’ll move away or if I’ll get a new BFF for my bed.
Almost two years of living without pets, and I can tell you that it’s absolute heeelll!!!
I’m not kidding when I’m saying that I cry at nights because I miss them and feel extremely lonely without their companion. When you grow up with pets, that’s what you set yourself up for!
You’re probably thinking, “why won’t she get a cat or something” right? Well first things first, I’m very loyal towards my cat back in Poland, she’s my ultimate BFF (read with Paris Hilton’s voice please). Naturally getting a different cat would be cheating, so NO I’m not getting a cat. “Ok so get a dog!”. And here I have two issues, one: I’m scared of such commitment, I’m scared the dog will be unhappy living with me, that I won’t be responsible enough etc. Two: I’m all for a shelter dog, unfortunately my schedule doesn’t allow me to take care of a dog that has been through a lot + sizes of shelter dogs wouldn’t fit my flat. Then comes the PUG! I feel connected to that breed in many ways, mostly by their facial expressions but also the classic fat rolls. I would get one but let’s start with the fact I can’t afford one LOL, and I would probably feel guilty forever for not getting a shelter dog, so no dogs at all for me!
That’s why I borrowed Charlie for half a day from Kamila, MAJOR THANKS!!! I needed some pug therapy and eventually had the best Sunday this year. To conclude, keep your friends close and friends with pugs even closer.
Photography Kuba Polityło-Aluwihare